Yearn
verb (used without object)
1.
to have an earnest or strong desire; long: to yearn for a quiet vacation.
2.
to feel tenderness; be moved or attracted: They yearned over their delicate child.
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When I first did that 'Analyze your writing' badge on the right, I had no idea who David Foster Wallace was beyond a potential distant relative of mine. Reading more about his biography, it turns out that after writing a series of satirical essays about the modern world... he unfortunately fell into a deep depression and hanged himself in 2008. He was taking all sorts of anti-depressants to counteract this condition, but in the end he eventually just... gave up.
I heard even more recently about a RL friend of someone I know quite well on Second Life who attempted (and fortunately failed) to commit suicide. Why this person attempted it is not certain, and I don't feel that it's my place to ask and bring back such a painful memory just for further explanation.
About a year ago, I was told by yet another close friend on Second Life that her sister committed suicide and left 2 young children behind. She, then, had to fill the void that her sister had left and raise the kids for her.
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I've personally hit 2 extreme lows in my life where I contemplated suicide as well. The first was during the period I mentioned in my previous post. Between my mother's slow deterioration of health, the bullying at school, and eventually my father getting remarried so quickly... I was a mess. It got so bad that my dad and stepmom eventually sent me off to a Psychologist to try and get me to settle down. Yes folks, I went to a Shrink for a year and a half. Does that make me certifiably crazy? Possibly. I went despite initial protest (as teens often do), and it was kept completely secret from my classmates. It helped to a degree, but it was brief.
The second low came from a relationship I had with someone during the end of my college years which then continued shortly after graduation. He was in an abusive household, and unfortunately the habits passed down to his generation. We fought often, and yes it would get physical. He even nearly killed me once over a box of Magic: The Gathering cards I threw in the trash because I felt he should spend his money on better things. Even after he got me pregnant I had this deep dread that bringing a child into that household would be a death trap. A few times I felt that it would be mercy to both the child and myself to just end it all, but eventually some miracle happened where I was able to keep the baby and then give her to a family who would love and take care of her. It was a hard decision, but I feel even now that it was the right one.
My daughter turned 14 this year, and I haven't seen her since she was 6 months old... but I have a feeling that one day I will.
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What causes people to decide to end their life is as various as the people themselves, but I think the most common reason is a simple yearning to be loved and not feel so alone. I do feel blessed to be where I am today, but in knowing that others have not been as fortunate... I cannot help but shed tears for their own sorrow.
verb (used without object)
1.
to have an earnest or strong desire; long: to yearn for a quiet vacation.
2.
to feel tenderness; be moved or attracted: They yearned over their delicate child.
-----------------------------
When I first did that 'Analyze your writing' badge on the right, I had no idea who David Foster Wallace was beyond a potential distant relative of mine. Reading more about his biography, it turns out that after writing a series of satirical essays about the modern world... he unfortunately fell into a deep depression and hanged himself in 2008. He was taking all sorts of anti-depressants to counteract this condition, but in the end he eventually just... gave up.
I heard even more recently about a RL friend of someone I know quite well on Second Life who attempted (and fortunately failed) to commit suicide. Why this person attempted it is not certain, and I don't feel that it's my place to ask and bring back such a painful memory just for further explanation.
About a year ago, I was told by yet another close friend on Second Life that her sister committed suicide and left 2 young children behind. She, then, had to fill the void that her sister had left and raise the kids for her.
-----------------------------
I've personally hit 2 extreme lows in my life where I contemplated suicide as well. The first was during the period I mentioned in my previous post. Between my mother's slow deterioration of health, the bullying at school, and eventually my father getting remarried so quickly... I was a mess. It got so bad that my dad and stepmom eventually sent me off to a Psychologist to try and get me to settle down. Yes folks, I went to a Shrink for a year and a half. Does that make me certifiably crazy? Possibly. I went despite initial protest (as teens often do), and it was kept completely secret from my classmates. It helped to a degree, but it was brief.
The second low came from a relationship I had with someone during the end of my college years which then continued shortly after graduation. He was in an abusive household, and unfortunately the habits passed down to his generation. We fought often, and yes it would get physical. He even nearly killed me once over a box of Magic: The Gathering cards I threw in the trash because I felt he should spend his money on better things. Even after he got me pregnant I had this deep dread that bringing a child into that household would be a death trap. A few times I felt that it would be mercy to both the child and myself to just end it all, but eventually some miracle happened where I was able to keep the baby and then give her to a family who would love and take care of her. It was a hard decision, but I feel even now that it was the right one.
My daughter turned 14 this year, and I haven't seen her since she was 6 months old... but I have a feeling that one day I will.
-----------------------------
What causes people to decide to end their life is as various as the people themselves, but I think the most common reason is a simple yearning to be loved and not feel so alone. I do feel blessed to be where I am today, but in knowing that others have not been as fortunate... I cannot help but shed tears for their own sorrow.
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