080/365

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rinds
But the lack thereof
Would leave me empty inside
Swallow my doubt
Turn it inside out
Find nothin' but faith in nothing
Wanna put my tender
Heart in a blender
Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendevous, then I'm through with you

From Beautiful Oblivion ~ Eve 6

Wow after the post I put up earlier I wandered onto SL for a bit, and after some chatting with friends I was suddenly sitting and staring at my screen with a ton of tears streaking down my face.

I was suddenly having a great deal of thoughts about just how much over the course of my life I've been used in one form or another. Being used for my talents at various RL jobs (-especially- at the last 2 I've had) and the higher ups getting all frazzled when I realize how much I'm getting screwed and then voicing my opinions over such matters. How I've been used in relationships (friendships as well as deeper forms) in various ways as well.

Am I too trusting or not trusting enough? I already know that I have a complex where I seek praise and yet can't take compliments very well (yeah I know that sounds confusing). And yet as Ferris Bueller once said, "...you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work." Sadly a lot of what I do in both SL & RL depends on the praise of others. How screwed up is that?

No wonder I'm an emotional mess right now.

079/365

No really... I didn't miss another day. Okay so I did but I had the picture all ready and everything. I simply got distracted by utter greatness that didn't involve Second Life for a day.

This pic is from my set at Freakheim on Sunday, actually. After a while of just hanging around, Oz gave us bubble objects to sit inside. Of course things just got freakier after that, but looking back it reminded me of how much we need to sit back and enjoy life whether it be virtual or otherwise.

Last night I hung out with UC... not on SL but on my newest addiction (damn you UC) known as Dungeons & Dragons Online. He helped me get through a series of quests that I'd been struggling with and offered some little pointers along the way. The most fun part about it, though, was that we did it all on voice chat. Despite the shitty quality of the voice server, it was so cool to hear him outside of "Drunk DJ mode". Just two close friends smacking the shit out of Kololds and enjoying each others' company even if they live thousands of miles apart. I hope for more sessions like that, 'cause it beats text talking and dancing in a club all day.

The other utter greatness of Monday was the Heroes season finale. All I can say is Oh. My. Gawd! It brought my faith back to the show after such a shitty finale last season, and proved that there will be a season 5. The storyarcs of this season have finally given many of the characters purpose and in some cases they've changed altogether. Explains why the season was called 'Redemption' in many ways.

And as always, they left us with a teaser of what will be ahead in Season 5. Take a peek... and be amazed. :-)

078/365

The first issue of Siren Magazine came out yesterday with my ad there on page 23. :-)

If you're wondering, the magazine is meant for lesbian readers, but I'm sure others will enjoy the articles as well.

Can see the full mag over here.

I should have ads in their next 2 issues too. :-)

077/365

Sometimes you just feel like sprinkling a little pixie dust on things to make them all better.

076/365

This was at the uber coolness that was the Lounge of Dreams 80's/S&M/Bachelorette Party Night.

Had a blast and I'm glad everyone else who was there did too. :-)

075/365

Why didn't somebody TELL me my ass is so big?

Goes to show that even when you're most down, the most bizarre moment can still brighten your day.

;-)