Twisted Hunt!

I -barely- got my item up for the March Twisted Hunt with like an hour to spare. *^_^*

I did get it up tho! More info over on my http://collisionstyle.blogspot.com/ including the starting point link!

ZOMG! One... More... Week!

*glee!*

Return to Innocence

Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

Return to Innocence ~ Enigma

What can I say? Things have certainly been changing in my surroundings for the better. After a Brand New Start in January, there has been a shift in an even more interesting direction as of late. I don't know if its the weather, the season, or just something completely magical that I can't quite explain but... things seem to be better all around.

The hunt at Tuli's Sim has gotten me a quite a few new folks coming into my shop and noticing my work. It's nice to feel recognized even if it's for a week. I also have had some pointers given to me by builder & designer, Casper Priestman about "spicing" up my satellite locations with some color and other eye-catching techniques. Having worked in RL retail, I have -some- idea about store design, but it's always nice to have an extra pair of eyes who can offer some other suggestions on thing you may have not picked up on before.

My DJ schedule has gotten a little more filled lately as well. I've now got a regular spot again at Freakheim on Tuesday nights. I also am helping out a little more at Lounge of Dreams on Friday's 80's nights with 3 of us flipping around shifts so that one can always have a week off. This along with my 4 shifts I already have at Sanctuary Rock (and being Co-DJ Manager as well, whee) it's certainly paying the bills (my SL bills anyways) for the moment. Sometimes it's hard to just take a day to be alone since I'm such a workaholic but I'm forcing myself to have at least one day a week to do just that. Right now it's usually Sundays but that doesn't always happen. :-P

Why am I such a workaholic? I've had people ask me off and on how I can do all the stuff that I do and not have a nervous breakdown or something. Around the end of January I caught that I get busy with projects to get my mind off of other things going on. It works... at least for a while. I went into overdrive making some things for CoLLisions in one week because of trouble I was having with my Shiny. It ebbs and flows depending on other things I have going on, and yet I haven't had a nervous breakdown... yet.

Speaking of my Shiny... he and I have managed to settle even more things and now it's (mostly) stress free. That week of "Cold Turkey" actually was a good thing and put a lot more things into perspective. For now he has his path and I have mine.

Okay so WHY the Enigma lyrics, Guen? WHY is this a return to innocence? Because in all of this craziness that is my Second Life®, February has been a time for me to stop and reflect on a lot of things. Sometimes you have to look at them from a perspective OF innocence to truly appreciate what you have and what messes you've managed to crawl out of on your hands and knees.

I'm ready to see what March has in store...

Happy Mardi Gras!

And they fasted for 40 days and 40 nights. Finally one of them looked up and asked...
"Excuse me, have you seen our waitress?"

Yep yep it's the last day to let your hair down before Lent. The amazing thing I find is those who actually upkeep their particular sacrifice all the way up til Easter. Some folks give up meat. Others give up chocolate. I'd have to give up Second Life I think but hey I'm not Christian so... :-P

*Throws shiny beads at you all*

Stuff for Tuli's Journey Hunt!

Yep I got 2 items out for the hunt on Tuli's sim.

All the little gifties are placed in tiny treasure boxes around the sim. Should be fun!

More info? Follow this Link..... :-)

Never Let Your Computer Get Like This

Apparently my co-worker IRL had never defragged his hard drive in all the years he's had his computer.

I don't think I've ever seen so much red in my entire life.

Please be kind to your hard drive. Defrag often ;-)

Journey Sim Hunt

In case you all don't check my CoLLisions blog, I'm gonna be involved with a couple hunts over the next few weeks.

The first one is Tuli's Sim-Wide Hunt that starts on Friday. I still have my little cart there, and she said I could participate! :-) I'll post what 2 items I'm gonna have in the hunt on Thursday.

Happy Hunting!

Letting Shinies be Shinies...

Yeah sometimes it can be difficult too let a shiny thing go. Sometimes you want to hold on to it so you can always enjoy its luster. Other times you need to just get your paws off and let it handle itself.

Saturday I was told that my shiny thing was trying to be less shiny so that things could settle. The problem is that some shiny things will never diminish in brilliance because that's just what (and who) they are.

Valentine's was just a bad day all around for me, and some things were said and misunderstandings occurred. I am reluctantly gonna have to let go of my shiny and let things settle.

Time to focus on other things...

Everyone is Doing It

I just can't stay emo for too long, can I?

Add your own message here

Valentine's Day

My "shiny thing" has gradually been moving away. In fact it's starting to get so dim that I may no longer need those sunglasses. With me turning into the blogging fiend I've been lately, I'm not too surprised. Too many words get locked up in my head and the only way I can get them out is to scribble them on here. If that makes me annoying, so be it. If it makes me look worse than that, so be it. I pondered changing myself for other people, but in the end I decided that I am what I am and folks just have to deal.

That being said, I know that my current shiny has SAID that he wouldn't mind if I found a new shiny, but I'm not so sure that it's really true. The problem is that we're still very much connected and as much as one of us tries to pull away, something happens to draw us back in. Whether it's a random goofy IM or running into each other at the clubs as we do at least twice a week, the bond fluxuates. This next week will be the true test as we'll be doing a pretty much 'Cold Turkey' run without very much contact.

If I could just let the damn emotions go and move on. Why does it have to be so hard?

Anyways happy Valentine's Day everyone.

Agsinst All Odds...

How can I just let you walk away,
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you,
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave
'Cause we've shared the laughter
And the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now,
Oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now,
Well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now,
Well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now,
'Cause there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do
And that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now,
'Cause I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take

Take a look at me now...

Against All Odds ~ Phil Collins

We Still Love Ya, Chuck & Abe!

Happy 200th Birthday to Charles Darwin & Abraham Lincoln!!!

Amazing how two men born on the exact same day in two different parts of the globe could change the course of modern thought. :-)

Shiny Things...

Naw I'm not talking about the shoes and accessories store (though Fallingwater is a goddess with her designs, let me tell ya). Instead I'm speaking about times when you have a shiny dangled in front of you and as much as you try to focus on something else, it's always there to distract your attention. That's the big issue with shinies... they sometimes are so powerful that you can't quite seem to get them out of your mind.

So the real question becomes... do you close your eyes to try and avoid this temptation or keep them open and deal with it head on? Sometimes this shiny becomes so bright that closing your eyes will not let it go away completely. Yet if you keep your eyes open, it may burn so deep into your psyche that you may be blinded to other things around you.

For the moment, I have sunglasses on so that I may stare from a safe distance. Sometimes I want to pull them off and walk towards the light, and other times I want to close my eyes and turn away towards the darkness.

I'm not sure which way to go just yet...

Queen of Heartbreak

Welp seems since I've been blogging about my crazy heartbreak troubles, I've had other folks pop out of the ether and tell me that they understand and even can relate to a lot of what I'm going through.

Now I feel that I'm being labeled as the 'Queen of Heartbreak'. Kind of a bum rap if you ask me.

I'm not -always- a sourpuss. In fact many folks who know me in-game know that I can be cheery most of the time. I also am actually trying to improve my SLife and the situations I've been dealing with. There's just a few small reminders left that are carefully being dealt with. I know that -everything- can't be changed because I can only control my own habits and activities.

What I will say is that some of my empathic links have grown stronger for me in the past few months and I am grateful for that. Their love and friendship has given me a huge amount of hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I won't always be grumpy ol' Guen.

Now if I can just make it through Valentine's Day in one piece. :-P

Soulmates... Part 4

This week, at least for me, has been a lot of emotional healing and a lot of great fun. In fact I haven't had this much fun in a very long while. But underlying everything, I was also hearing about the pain that some of my other friends were going through. It's hard to stay happy when they are experiencing much of the same turmoil that I have.

I've tried so hard to be strong for them despite my own underlying issues. I've had to push aside my problems because theirs are more important. I will admit that hearing their own stories just makes me want to run out and just scream at the top of my lungs, and yet all I can do is place a few words here for you all to read. I guess it will have to do for now.

One dear friend has lost her SL partner due to his unfortunate RL passing. They were together for so long, and even though it's been a few months since then she still misses him dearly. With Valentine's right around the corner, I understand her pain. All I can do is just offer support and comfort with this tragic loss still so fresh in everyone's memory. One thing I've learned from death is that as long as good memories still exist within other people, then that person has never really left.

Another dear lady has spoken with me about her ex with whom she and he were planning their SL wedding at one point. They had been together for quite a while and then suddenly out of the blue he called everything off. Said he fell for someone else and then poof... he was gone. While I didn't hear if he actually gave a full explanation for his departure, I have a feeling that he did not. Men who don't have the balls to tell their ex why they've left probably should be forgotten about anyways. Certainly not worth a second thought.

Another still... she grew close to another dear friend over time and decided it was only fair that she tell him her true feelings. Unfortunately it not only backfired, but he ended up falling for someone else despite him saying he would never pursue a romantic relationship on Second Life. This one... is a very big conundrum for me since I know both ladies involved very well. The one he did end up with has also been heartbroken once upon a time and yes did deserve to find someone else. The real issue is that now they're together and the one who originally professed her feelings has been left behind as another prime example of "the other woman". My empathy can feel her loss and her frustration and all I feel I can do is offer an ear so she has at least one person to let her emotions pour out to.

I've heard words of loss, jealousy, hatred and longing from others as well. They all have touched me and I've tried my hardest to offer as much support as I can.

Especially with Valentine's Day almost upon us, you have to wonder if falling in love whether it be Second Life or Real Life is really worth it.

Even with all the pain, I'd like to think so...

Oooooonly Yoooooooou

Only you can make this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright.
Only you and you alone
can thrill me like you do
and fill my heart with love for only you.

Only you can make this change in me,
for it's true, you are my destiny.
When you hold my hand,
I understand the magic that you do.

You're my dream come true,
my one and only you.

Only you can make this change in me,
for it's true, you are my destiny.
When you hold my hand,
I understand the magic that you do.

You're my dream come true,
my one and only you.

One and only you.

Only You (and You Alone) ~ The Platters

Only UCBlack and myself can manage sing this song so badly that folks are STILL looking for where their asses went from laughing so darn hard. ;-)

The Day the Music Died...

I knew I'd have more stuff to talk about, dang it.

Apparently yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the plane crash that took the lives of Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper, and Ritchie Valens. Most of the events have already been documented between movies like "The Buddy Holly Story", "La Bamba", and of course the immortal Don McClean classic track, "American Pie".

I think what's most important about this event isn't so much the event itself but instead those who were involved. Without Buddy Holly there would be no Beatles. Without Valens many Latino performers would never have been able to gain exposure to American audiences like they do today. The Big Bopper made the term, 'music video' one that's stuck with us for generations.

So if you get a spare moment today, break out into spontaneous song about 'Peggy Sue', sway to 'Donna', or swoon your favorite lady with some 'Chantilly Lace'. Rock and Roll lives on even if they were taken from us all way too quickly.

Some Goodies!

What? Wait Guen didn't post yesterday? Yeah after a full week of my ramblings & emotional song lyrics I felt you all needed a small break.

But hey, there's more stuff around the corner just sitting in my head and waiting to come out.

If you haven't taken a peek at Shenandoah's blog recently, she's having a shoe sale at her main store. Yes a SHOE SALE!!! She's also just released some Neko bits and a free Valentine's necklace. Get on over there and check it out.

Also, some smaller land plots around my house have opened up for anyone who wants a spot to hang their hat. After speaking with Marx Dudek, she says that she'll offer a free month of tier if you pay for a month in advance. Mmmmhmmmm. Like I said the plots are small but if that's all you're looking for then contact Marx or myself in-world to have a peek and/or get ya set up.

Speaking of Shenandoah... you seen my partner box lately? ;-) More on that later.

Falling...

I lay, looking at my hands
I search in these lines
I've not the answer
I'm crying and I don't know
watching the sky
I search for an answer
I'm free, free to be
I'm not another liar
I just want to be myself... myself

And now the beat inside me
is a sort of a cold breeze and I've
never any feeling inside
ruining me...
bring my body
carry it into another world
I know I live... but like a stone I'm falling down

Falling Again ~ Lacuna Coil

I don't need to point out to any of you that a lot has been going on for me in the past few weeks. A lot has made me want to explode with all the jumbled words that get caught up in my mind. Sometimes, no words can truly compare other than song lyrics and hence why I've been tossing in a few here and there.

This past weekend brought forth a few instances of realization. You know... those little moments where you look at something or someone and you just "get" that things have altered to the point that all you can do is just let it lie and move on. Some changes were for the better while others were so painful that all I could do was disappear and be alone for a little while to collect my thoughts.

Still, some have not quite understood why I've been the way I am because I've hidden a lot of details (for good reason) of what's been going on behind the scenes. To be fair, I'm going to leave some names and minor things out so that this doesn't get blown out of proportion.

This whole roller coaster of emotion started out the weekend of Daisy Beauchamp's departure from SL. She told a few people her reasons... and I still won't go into them here but they were good reasons. Regardless, many patrons and staff of Sanctuary Rock appeared to hear her last DJ set. I had to go. While I was not especially close to Daisy, she has always been the sweetest person to me when we did talk. It seemed ironic that I asked her to model one of my tattoos the same weekend she planned to leave. The whole night was emotional, but it got much more personally emotional through a couple of IMs that I received during the event.

A few close friends of both mine and Daisy's were there at her set. One in particular I was IMing most of the evening while Daisy was DJing. We talked about how much we'd both miss her being around and so forth. Suddenly, in a burst of emotion he said that he's only been close to a few people in SL. One of them was Daisy who was leaving. Another... he said he was talking to at this very moment. Um yeah... Clue-by-4 to my noggin. *BOINK* At the time I just let the convo drop and we moved back to talking about Daisy.

It wasn't until the next day when we talked again that we both realized we were hitting a very dangerous ground. I was still partnered to Ozark at the time and though we'd been having problems I didn't want to add issues to the mix. We should have just let it all drop then... but we didn't. We kept talking night after night... letting emotions grow and soon realizing that things were deeper than we could have imagined.

A week later, I told Oz. He deserved to know what was happening and had every right to be completely pissed at me and yet he wasn't. After a few hours of tears, we decided to split up. He let me keep the furniture he bought in the house along with the land. He left with his head held high, and I felt like a complete ass.

Two days later, I got a double whammy of Clue-by-4's to the noggin. Oz told me he'd already been asked out on a date by someone else the night before (THAT was quick), and my other emotional interest told me that we could never be more than friends. Turned into a really shitty Christmas for me, truth be told. But then Oz and I talked and we decided to patch things up. Got re-partnered at his Saturday set, and we had another 10 days of semi-partnered bliss. Obviously... it didn't work out. We split... and the gal who asked Oz out before? Well they got together a few days later (really shitty timing, huh?).

Now I was left in emotional purgatory. One man whom I'd been with for 9 months I'd broken up with and was already seeing someone else... another I knew I couldn't be with but had (and still have) a very strong emotional bond with.

Then the weekend of January 24th hit. I'll simply say... it was one of the worst weekends of my entire SLife. Yes it does involve my "Other Woman" post but I'll leave it at that. I think I ran out of tears by the time Monday hit.

The next week was spent gradually patching things up from that horrible weekend. That is when my week-long series of crazy blog posts took flight. By Friday, some closure had been made with the one I had bonded so closely with. Emotions were exposed and some situations were further explained. In the end, we decided on a "Brand New Start" as friends once again.

And now we've reached February 1st in this story. After finishing up some Valentine's items for my shop I went to an SL wedding. Normally I would have just bowed out but I promised the bride I would attend... and so I did. The ceremony was very beautiful... and tho I think they took WAY too many photos, I wasn't about to ruin such a wonderful day for everyone present. I did, just for curiosity's sake, take a peek at Ozark's profile.

I will say that dull pain never really hits you until you see your ex's profile and see his or her new gf/bf is listed on it... above your own name. If you're still listed at all you're lucky, but the pain is still there.

Between that and realizing I was the only "single" person at the reception, I decided to make a quiet exit and hide in my shop to just be alone. A few times I had thoughts of 'What the hell am I doing?' as I stared at the various things on my walls. Eventually Rosie B yanked me off for a Sim hunt to try and cheer me up and later I went to hear a couple DJ sets at SR.

So now the question is... where do I go from here? Like the lyrics above, I feel like I'm just falling in a cold abyss. I don't know if I'll ever find the bottom or someone there to catch me.

I just want to find peace...

Weakness...

My weaknesses,
Rear their ugly faces on a day to day basis.
Stay calm and try to see this,
I'm always sensitive relaxing,
always delicately asking.

But I can't seem to fly away,
I'm feeling small, tall and sick of it all,
and all I want to do is crawl.
You...fly alway,
I'm feeling small, tall and sick of it all,
and all I want to do is say...

How to cook up pride?
If you lemon your behavior
it will side a different flavor.
How to change my mind?
If you break apart the candy,
gently slip it in my brandy.

But I can't seem to fly away.
I'm feeling tall small and sick of it all,
and Esti says that it's my calling.
Fly away.
I'm feeling tall small and sick of it all,
and I want to do is say...

Hold your candle high.
If they jeopardize your meaning,
you must strike upon their ceiling.
If I'm right then who am I?
Well I am simply just the candy,
that you slipped within my brandy

Weakness ~ Blue October